Met Gala 2018


BY MIRA SCHLOSBERG

 

An anti-imperialist pop star and a billionaire with plans to colonise space walk into a bar
Or rather, he slides into her dms because who meets irl anymore
Within a month they are somehow at the Met Gala together
They step inexplicably onto the red carpet
A Tesla logo strapped to her neck
A reporter holds a microphone out to them asks them something cliché about their outfits
And then Elon’s jaw dislocates and you’ll never guess what’s inside!!!!!!!!!
Just kidding he’s a man and that’s as bad as it can get

My internalised homophobia and the man who is seeing the woman who I am seeing walk into a bar
He is such a bad man
Which is to say he is so good at being one
My friends say yes we know he did such and such [cruelty] to so-and-so [women]
But have you ever had an email exchange with him?
He is sooooo charming!!
My internalised homophobia makes me a nice gift
A nice little dream where I touch a woman on the shoulder and she is so angry with me she vomits all over

He could take her to the moon
I mean he really has the money and the resources they can go into orbit for the weekend
Sunday morning in the rocketship they have breakfast in bed
The coffee floats up out of the fancy space china and he licks it off her nose
I don’t have much to offer besides being a sensible person
Who understands the nuances and dangers of space colonisation

The hottest girl in school and my deep deep teen repression walk into a bar
Just kidding it’s prom 2010 I was a prudish teenager and never drank
My repression and I watch the hottest girl in school sip a bright red mocktail
As Elon grins maniacally in the corner
His body growing larger and larger looming over the function room
He has done it he has found a way to manipulate time
We are spinning back back cycling through this moment indefinitely
My repression and Elon Musk are grinning at each other
And Elon puts his arm around the waist of the hottest girl in school
His fingers clutching pink taffeta



 
 

About the author

Mira Schlosberg is a writer, comics artist, and editor who makes work about queerness and spirituality. They have been published in The Lifted Brow, Rabbit Poetry Journal, and Seizure, among others, and they were a 2017 Wheeler Centre Hot Desk Fellow. Mira is the editor of Voiceworks, edits comics at Scum, and subedits at Gusher. You can find them on Twitter @miraschlosberg

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